It's me - Morrissey.
"Morrissey - occasionally accused of being the lunatic responsible for emo, thanks to his amazingly insightful and witty lyrics (Come Armageddon! Come! Everyday is like Sunday, everyday is silent and gray!) - the modus operandi of every emo hipster, indiefuck and fat goth girl. Amazingly, he's escaped retribution for his numerous musical crimes against humanity - like an unstoppable juggernaut, decimating the music landscape of the day with his boring, angsty and self-indulgent ranting (See: Lowtax). The only thing stopping him has been the A+R men dropping him from their labels every 3 years, once they realize that he's immeasurably shit, and will never change.
He is best known for his "poetic" and boring lyrics about what a sad, old misanthrope he is and the fact that The Cure frontman, Robert Smith, hates his guts. Which is important, because complaintopia consider him The holy trinity or Raptor Jesus Nowadays, Morrissey is a wrinkly old fag selling his soul to millions of Hot Topic and scene kids with no self-esteem. Fortunately for Internets, his legion of fans, while tearing the sad git's lyrics to pieces (while searching in vain for some shred of meaningful prose), are responsible for many internet lulz. If you put the Cure or even that David Bowie album where there's a live track with the Cure, before or after the Smiths/Morrissey album on a playlist, Robert Smith and him start fighting. It's pretty neato.
This is a small mercy.
Morrissey is a former militant vegetarian and a former militant asexual, proving once again that he can talk a lot of shit, but when it comes down to it he just can't keep from stuffin' meat in his mouth, be it burgers or cock. (Note: Moz is still a vegetarian and still chaste, despite the myriad fat goth Tori Amos fans who want to fuck his brains out and cook an all meat-grill for him in the morning). He won't go to Canada because he talked a lot of shit about it and is afraid of being sacrificed to the pagan gods of milk bags and curling.
Morrissey is famous for his witty and acerbic put-downs of his detractors, so be careful not to get on his bad side. He famously described the writer of The Smiths' biography (Morrisey and Marr: The Severed Alliance), Johnny Rogan, as 'Johnny Rodent', if you can believe that. He also playfully retitled the book 'The Sausage Appliance'. Linguistic genius such as this is a gift to be treasured.
According to him, there is panic on the streets of London, but as it turns out it was drunk football hooligans and there was no panic, but there was lots of Jager, a DJ was hung, and zombies were killed."
Wanna be frenz? I like self deprecation and Oscar Wilde.