I'm a 19 year old girl from Northwest England, but currently studying Philosophy and Psychology at St Andrews in Scotland. I've been writing on here on and off since I was 16 (which is just so crazy to me, I'll be 20 in a few weeks! where does time go?!) but entries have gotten increasingly rare over the past year and I've barely written since starting university last September. My f-list has also declined, and, while there are still a few people who post regularly and whose entries I hugely enjoy reading - though am hugely rubbish at actually commenting on -, it is largely inactive, and it'd be so lovely to change that and to get to know some new people. I'm now home for the summer (a long ass time) so am definitely going to try and update regularly over the next few months; things can get a bit crazy during actual term time so it's possible I might disappear for spells again, BUT I WILL ALWAYS RETURN (for the foreseeable future, I can't guarantee I'll still be blogging from the care home). Promise.
I guess I should probably write some more about me so you have at least a vague idea of what you're getting yourself into...uhhhhh.
I'm an introvert; I'm pretty socially awkward, though not as much as I used to be and being at university has definitely helped me in that sense. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, and I would be lost without them, but at the same time I'm very often content in my own company and a lack of sufficient ~alone time~ makes me grumpy beyond belief. I make up for not speaking a lot through endless rambling when I write, so apologies in advance for that, and I completely understand if you can't quite bring yourself to make it to the end of future entries (or even this one!).
I've wanted to write in some capacity for pretty much as long as I can remember - not counting the brief period when I was in ""bands"" and convinced I was going to make it as a pop star, but we don't talk about that - I have two 'novels' sort of on the go, which is a lot less impressive than it sounds when you consider how little time I actually spend doing any kind of work on them (unless you count vague daydreams/dreaming up future scenarios in which critics and interviewers alike are flabbergasted by my multi-award winning works...in which case I'd say I'm doing pretty well). Realistically, I'm unlikely to ever make a proper career out of fiction writing, but whatever I do end up doing is hopefully going to involve a lot of locking myself in a room and tapping away at a keyboard all the same - some kind of journalism maybe, or if I end up going down the Psychology route I could write books on the subject. Yeaaah...my life plan is vague, to say the least. I'm just glad I've got another three years of education/respectably avoiding the real world to go.
I love reading. Kate Atkinson is my favourite author, and probably one of my biggest inspirations writing-wise; other favourites are John Green and Jonathan Safran-Foer, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower (book and film) is pretty much just my favourite everything always. I haven't seen nearly enough films in general, and regularly shock friends/acquaintances with my ignorance on the subject, but some of my favourites that I have seen are The Help, The Others, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and, most recently, Philomena. Favourite TV show is probably either Supernatural or My Mad Fat Diary, but Skins will always have a special place in my heart (despite the trainwreck that was S6/7), I'm on S6 of both Criminal Minds and The Office (US) and I've just started the first series of Orange is the New Black, which is pretty flawless so far. And I've started watching Derek, and The L Word, and I used to love Pretty Little Liars but am now literally about a million series behind. Basically I have too many things I want to watch/need to catch up and NEED TO STOP STARTING NEW SHOWS AND ACTUALLY COMMIT TO SOMETHING GODDAMMIT.
I listen to a pretty wide range of music, mostly kind of indie/hipsterish, but I fostered a full-on and unashamed obsession with One Direction for about 18 months, which has pretty much died down to just a soft spot now; I don't listen to them on their own much/spend copious amounts of time scrolling through the 'Harry Styles' and 'Larry Stylinson' tags on Tumblr, but I still enjoy their music and think they're adorable and WILL DEFEND THEM TO THE DEATH (as my flatmates of last year discovered, ha). Ditto Taylor Swift. Major favourites include Of Monsters and Men, Mumford and Sons, Vampire Weekend, Lucy Spraggan, Frank Turner, Regina Spektor, Kacey Musgraves and Kimya Dawson. I could very happily name a million more, but - working on the pretty safe assumption that nobody actually cares that much -, I'll try and restrain myself! I also LOVE MUSICALS, a love which has always been there to an extent but grown dramatically over the last few months as I've become more ~educated. I think any cool points I could potentially have scored from the decreasing proportion of time spent listening to my One Direction playlist on Spotify are probably cancelled out by the suspiciously parallel increase in time spent listening to my musicals/Disney/a little bit of Glee playlist. Oh well.
Back to Actual Life: I've spent the past year, my first year of university, living in halls with a bunch of people I didn't know beforehand but came to be pretty good friends with. Come September, I'll be moving into a rented flat with two new uni friends, Eleanor, who's on my Psychology course, and Anya, who has been one of her flatmates over the past year. As scary as the whole paying bills/being responsible/general proper adulthood thing is, I am super, super excited for that. In the meantime, I'm living at home with my parents, my beloved cats and my younger sister, Emily, who's just finished her first year of A levels and seems to believe that the struggles this entails justify her spending the entire rest of her life in bed. I also have an elder sister, Hannah, 21, who's just about to finish her second year at Oxford University. She hasn't properly lived at home for several years due to a pretty nasty fallout with my parents. Things are mostly cool now, though, and we're all going away together next month, which should be great provided it's not disastrous.
I'm not generally a very active person, but I do love swimming, and more recently I've been roped into going for short runs with my mum and found myself actually quite enjoying it. I've also been on a couple of bike rides with Rachael, my old friend from home, and, while it's been so long that I am debatably no longer safe on the road, I've always loved that and will hopefully be doing more of that as well over the next couple of months (whether I continue to sustain any level of physical activity - aside from running/speed-walking to lectures every day, which I've actually found to be a surprisingly effective fitness tactic). So who knows! Maybe this will be the summer I get off my arse/out of my pyjamas and actually become a healthy, proactive individual. (Unlikely.) I am spending some of this summer working, as an administrative assistant in a psychological organisation where I did my Year 10 work experience and have gone back to work several times since. The work this year so far isn't as interesting as it has sometimes been, as - as the title 'administrative assistant' kind of implies - I'm more involved in the administrative than the analysis side of things, but it's a lovely building, I like the people, the hours and the pay are decent and I still quite enjoy what I'm doing, so definitely no complaints. Before going to university I also volunteered at a local charity shop and am going back to doing a few hours there a couple of days a week. So, basically, expect really thrilling blow-by-blow accounts of the likes of steaming, tagging, filing, and typing up passive-aggressive letters trying to get people/organisations (mostly solicitors) to get their shit together and fucking pay already. It's sure to be an exciting read.
My mental state is...fragile, at the best of times, if a lot better than it used to be. I've never been formally diagnosed with anything - I had counselling at college for a short while, but didn't find it especially helpful, though I have found I'm significantly better at opening up than I used to be (if still not great) -, but I think I'm suffered with some form of depression and social anxiety for years and general anxiety goes through different phases and manifestations of also being pretty bad. Fleeting notions aside, I'm not suicidal anymore, which is in itself a lot of progress from 18 months ago, and I do feel like I've got a lot better at managing life and negative thoughts/feelings than I used to be. That said, I still get down a lot, and, as I try to blog honestly, there will probably still be a significant amount of self-hatred/wallowing in self-pity going on. Just to warn you...
Other things: I'm vegetarian, atheist, bisexual, feminist, currently being stared and pointed at by my elderly neighbours. I don't know why. Maybe they're not actually staring and pointing at me, just at the house, but that would also be weird. I am in my pyjamas and a lot of cleavage is showing. This is uncomfortable. Would it be really rude to draw the curtains or
Sorry, um. I can't think of any more descriptors. Sorry this turned out so long. Just read my blog and stuff.