I'm completely new to LJ and to actual journaling itself. I'm quite young but I feel I already have lifetime of suffering and experiences that I wish to put into light. I'm looking for like-minded people who could empathize with my story or converse with me in general and I welcome anyone and everyone to read what I write here. I am burdened with an unbelievable amount of emotional weight. I have no home and long term connections since I've been moving from country to country as far as I can remember. I've gone through mental and physical abuse from family and others since I was a child. I've had first hand experience with death, tragedy, bullying, isolation, depression, and suicide attempts. I'm about to start another year in yet another country. Call it an existential crisis but I'm losing sight in why to keep living. I've never stayed in one place long enough to actually evaluate my identity and I've never really had the chance to develop my social skills with people. I've grown pessimistic and cynical through my experiences and I've hit a point where I wonder if I should keep living even though past evidence has shown there isn't much to live for. Isn't it insanity to keep going and repeating it all over again expecting a different result? If there's any like-minded people out there, I would love to talk.