Cae (myprivateuranus) wrote in add_me,
Cae
myprivateuranus
add_me

x.y _ update to my add me post

I posted last week here and have since decided to make use of friends groups and private security more thoroughly. There are times that my journal can be very personal and cover adult topics with strong language, but these are not all times. At first, I was warning people to not read it, but now... I am giving a warning that some of it is very intense but that all such is locked away so that you can't see it, and even if I did give you permissions to it eventually, it is cut away with warnings now.

It is not dark for the sake of being dark. It is facing reality, or the attempt to do so.

That said, the journal may still touch topics that might be intense, just with less graphic and/or triggering depiction and language.
My journal is a record of my attempts to manage my mental dysfunction and drug problem, while also telling the story of my life, allowing me to face some things I've been escaping from thinking about, and hopefully coming to some kind of positive development from writing -- though it's difficult to let it be out in the open -- and to be fair, it's hardly out-out in the open.
I will not give you extra permissions at first. No one really has them yet. If you had them before, you no longer do... But if you want to read and let me read you, I may eventually decide you're the type of person who'd be okay to share everything with.
There is so much I haven't been sharing over these last few years even with myself. I'm a ball of escapism.
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I have interest in various things, but as they are not the topic of the journal yet, I see no need to get into it. I hope that my writing can speak for itself if you're interested. My mental dysfunction is all too typical and as uniquely sad and interesting as it gets.
I do believe it can get better... if I can learn to open up to anyone — anyone — about how shamefully wrong I am in spite of attempts to maintain as much that is right as I can.
I overthink things and I ask big questions. I don't often get anywhere productive with it though, but I find a place of peace in the blackest corners of abyss.

---

and contrary to what I've said about not wanting to communicate with anyone, maybe it would be okay for us to communicate. I will read you, and if you comment, I will reply. If I have something to say, I will say it. If you un-add me without comment, I will courtesty un-add you when I notice -- no questions asked.

I think thats better than letting all my darkest, deepest stuff out in the open despite not knowing you yet.
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