**Please, before you go any further, understand that mine is going to be a very personal, dark journey. If you are ok reading that kind of material, please simply read my first entry, copied here, to see what you are getting into.
To any who add, you are in for a ride.
Everything you read from here on out is true.
Every single word.
I have no reason to lie.
I went to great lengths to protect my identity as much as I could.
I'm never gonna say my name. Call me Guy.
I'm a fucking mess and I need to get this shit out of my head.
I'm on meds, but I'm about to lose my insurance.
I've had numerous, debilitating health problems my entire life, including cancer, and tumors. Because of this, I live in constant pain.
I'm recently off a 9 year long distance-relationship, with a married woman.
I'm into kink. There is a specific part of female anatomy that drives me wild.
I'm living with and taking care of someone who is currently dying of lung cancer which has spread fucking *everywhere.* A guy who never smoked in his life.
I suck my thumb.
I have OCD.
I have problems. Problems that most people don't have.
I have journaled for the better part of my life. I have them scattered across txt documents, across word documents, across wordpress sites, across sites coded in HTML that I, myself designed.
I have had reams of paper and books with locks with my words for as long as I can remember.
When I am hurting, it seems to help, and I'm hurting.
I try to journal every day. I do it for a while, then I stop, then I come back years later, and I feel like shit because I haven't done it in so long.
Its a long, fucked up cycle, and I hate it.
I have no idea how long I'm gonna be here for, but I'm gonna try forever.
I have lived in fear my entire life about being able to fully divulge myself for fear of being labeled a fucked up wacko.
Who sucks their thumb, or likes shaved female armpits?
I do. And I don't want your judgement.
I want to tell this story. I've been thinking of compiling a book. I still have all those documents, and could compose 10 volumes of shit already.
Any way I do it, I think its going to start to come out.
But the only way I can have this form of self therapy is if I'm able to do it fully, and completely, and for that reason, I need my anonymity.
This isn't a story for kids. That's the only warning I'm gonna give.
And while I may reveal things to you that you absolutely despise me for, I will repeat, just one more time:
"Everything you read from here on out is true. Every single word. I have no reason to lie."