January 11th, 2020

Battling my feelings

So I am finally in a good relationship i can heal now from all the past damage right? So I thought. Me and my first love are back together after knowing eachother for 17 years you would think you know all there is to know. Well lets start by saying I am absolutly crazy about this man. He has his flaws but so do I. Anyways i came home and found him past out on the bed and his phone was on my pillow. As i go to move it it lights up and of course its porn. So what right? Well i should have just stopped at that but nope i had to be a nosey fucking female and got all in my feelings. As i go through his phone i notice he has a tumbler account. I clicked on it and its tons of near naked females that have nothing looks wise in common with chubby me. Great right. It gets better he also has a fetlife account i am hoping is old as it has very sexual pics of him and his ex. They were in a polyamorous relationship and i knew about that. But after seeing that and the stuff they did together it really put me in my feelings. I am sitting here thinking that i will never be enough for him. I know i sound crazy and insecure but how do i compete with fucking pornstar status. Im inexperianced and lacking in sexual confidence due to a past of abuse. So what now???